Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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