i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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