My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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