Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
