It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
