My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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