i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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