Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
