You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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