i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
