Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
