the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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