there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
