Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
