YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
