To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
