Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am available for nakedness
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
