The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
