i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
