Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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