The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so let's talk penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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