i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
