Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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