He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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