drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
