i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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