I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
