That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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