the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
