Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
