dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
