lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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