He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
