I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
