You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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