He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
