You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
