How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
