I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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