Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
