I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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