I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
