turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
