My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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