I showed him my bush... on skype.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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