so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
