Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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