I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize