you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
