i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
