did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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