That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
