We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
