I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize