And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
