im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
