Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Randomize
