Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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