At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
