my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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