So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize