Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
