im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
