All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
