it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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