but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she smelled like a LAN party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
should my penis look like a turkey
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
