well you can't waste a boner
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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