This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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