Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
