Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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