Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
