I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
