Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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