You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
