Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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