Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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