She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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