Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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