craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
