I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Send help, water and tortillas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
