just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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