Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
