I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
